My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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