you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
