my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I think people are normalizing furries
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
