Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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