it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
