3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
