If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
