Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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