I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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