So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
