i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
