I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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