My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
