You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
