How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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