Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
