More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
