If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
