Sponge bath it is.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
