So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
