glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
So squirting runs in the family.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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