Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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