So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
