Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
