I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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