she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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