somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
