dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
