I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
