Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
