I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
