Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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