i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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