every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
