i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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