idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
