I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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