TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
