3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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