I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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