Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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