Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Randomize