I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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