first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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