Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
