I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
