...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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