Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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