I would go down on you faster than GM stock
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
ttyl tear gas
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
