Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
