I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
