U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
