if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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