So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
