i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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