i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
