i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
