That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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