You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
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yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
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Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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