so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
