im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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