So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Text me some of your sweat
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
