fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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