I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
